★ Diary Sessions ★

It is nothing but a fear within a fear...

2011-03-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

Afraid of this self-reliance feeling that can ruin me while my head keep thinking I don't need anyone else to be here. I have strenght, I have my own power and I can't share what I've got inside. I'm too much dependant. But when I'm not, I can lose it all. And you can lose it as well.

It is nothing but a fear within a fear about the future that has to come.

2011-03-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

there is a light that never goes out. (never comes up, actually)

Alone

2011-02-10T17:15:00.000-08:00

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were -- I have not seen
As others saw -- I could not bring
My passions from a common spring --
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow -- I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone --
And all I lov'd -- I lov'd alone --
Then -- in my childhood -- in the dawn
Of a most stormy life -- was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still --
From the torrent, or the fountain --
From the red cliff of the mountain --
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold --
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by --
From the thunder, and the storm --
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view --

By Edgar Allan Poe. Source: Poe Stories

Poe: life and works

2011-02-07T13:22:00.000-08:00

I've just read Edgar Allan Poe: um homem em sua sombra, and I wished to share my opinion with you, folks.

Although this book presents quite important aspects of Poe's life, it doesn't have an organized timeline. In this sense, I suggest you to read the work of Ivan Schmidt, who also researched previous Poe's biografies such as Hervey Allen's for instance. The countless footnotes are also problematic. The reading becomes tiring and our attention can be easily distracted. On the other hand, the author presents good analysis of "The Raven" and other Poe's works.

2011-02-06T14:42:00.001-08:00

and finally, the tiny stars want to shine! they get right through my window and everything in here is sweet and bright.

falling in love with stars.

Not a scent of emotions

2011-01-25T14:21:00.000-08:00

She was quite comfortable with that feeling of tasting no scent of emotions. Who the hell needs this? Picures, songs and also emotions are just distractions. Like television, videogames, stars in the sky and little ghosts. Only distractions to make us strong enough avoiding the fear of death.

Reflections of a word

2011-01-22T13:36:00.000-08:00

Reading Clarice Lispector makes me tired enough. My inner self is damn fuckin' messed up. When you feel the truth and you don't tell it, it's ok. But if you see this truth somewhere... you're lost and you make anything to hide it.

2011-01-22T10:07:00.000-08:00

A crowd won't make me any harm

But myself in the mirror

It's a damn strange feeling of fear

Things I should know about myself

2011-01-12T19:18:00.000-08:00

Back some years (maybe many... maybe lots of them!) ago I try hard to perceive some aspects about my personality and... wait for it... I don't remember much. But I can say that I've changed quite a lot.

When I was a teen, for example, I was chatty! It was impossible to stay around me without saying a word. I don't know if my experiences forced me to be strong and bear some burdens on my own but nowadays I just keep quiet. I'm not interested in people anymore and worse - I think I have nothing worthy to share with them. Plus I'm afraid telling secrets or I just think my issues and my life in general are unworthy. (That's not true, I know.)

However, there are two subjects that can keep me talking a lot and they really make me feel something special inside: music and books (the news, please?) Perhaps I don't really care much about things that will die one day. I'm so into eternity that I keep close to imortals... I like alcohol too. Not due its taste but sadly because makes me want to be with other people. Doing something, forgeting something, laughing without a reason.

Just wanted to say something. Before it goes with the wind.

2011-01-09T14:33:00.000-08:00

We tend to be quite tough with ourselves. I see, it's also hard to fall in love with our spectrum in the mirror. Keep your strenght, not to your enemies but to bear all the pessimism you put upon yourself.

It can be bitter

2011-01-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

You can't stop saying things. No matter what, you MUST say those ones. Otherwise, how could I know? 24 hours have passed and I still don't know.

No matter what: SAY THINGS. We can't just let it go, we don't have such power of guessing what the other person is feeling. If you wanna love: be careful. And say how do you feel.

Remember: be sweet

2010-12-31T07:15:00.001-08:00

Many changes, guys! New background, new willings are about to come.

All I have to say is: ENJOY IT! Life, music, friends, books, especially books (and alcohol!)! I hope to be more committed to this blog next year. I don't know if it necessary or even if YOU need it, but if I need it, I' ll be here.

Don't go blind. Be sweet.

Crap, new year

2010-12-29T06:38:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is true. 2010 is ending now and everyone starts to say the same old things as they have said all those years left behind.

But, the truth also is: we feel comfortable to say these things (that may sound silly) only in this moment. Because it is the only one which makes you think about... frustrations? Maybe. On the other hand we are alive and there is something hidden in a deep black hole inside that can make possible just smile and be happy due to an accomplishment.

Happy 2011, although we know we have loads of obstacles looking forward.

2010-08-16T09:56:00.001-07:00

there's always an option, isn't there?

Through the darkness... you see the stars.

2010-07-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

Hello people worldwide. It is a brand new day and it is still dark here. In the last few days, some specific things have been bothering me a little. Actually, not so specific things. I don't know why I feel so uncomfortable maybe it is what the narrator of Notes from Underground called the excess of consciousness that men go through sometimes. In some cases, I wish I could live my life without thinking so much about what I should be, where I should be now, doing this or that. The subject is always the same, right?

The fact is I'm trying (I don't remember since when) to stop suffering for foolish things. I won't hurt myself with troubles that are not mine. Few years ago, maybe three years, whatever, I heard some good words (I won't mention here where) that made me feel really better about my life. But now, it is like a disease. It comes and goes. I can't say I'm unhappy now... it would be stupid!

The only thing that matters is to keep a place for the real self. The real you. If this is the only space I've found to do this... great. It is what it is. My attic.

You should come over!

2010-07-18T10:05:00.001-07:00

As Neil Young says... "time is running out, let's roll!"

Fantastique

2010-05-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

Atmosphere.

Skin.

Breathing.

Heart beating.

Magic.

Cat Power.

pic by mahhh

2010-03-18T08:40:00.000-07:00

To love is to take care and to be patient.

Sometimes, you're the only one who really cares and need to be patient. Otherwise, there's no way to bear the load of being so alone.

Back to the clock's slavery

2010-03-04T17:59:00.000-08:00

The university holidays are over. I'm really sad about that... I know, last year I was willing to attend the classes as soon as I could. But this year...it was different. We almost didn't have time to enjoy our free time. Everything is coming back. Papers, presentations, classes, texts. I don't know why am I living and this question bores me to death. I don't know if literally (I hope NEVER literally at all) but I can't stand my concerns about society. Every single morning I stare at people at the bus stop, the street and what I see, I definetely don't like it.

I see I'm doing something I love: to study, to extend my literature and english knowledge but for what? I'm going to die someday, right? Sad, it is sad to think about this. For this specific reason I guess that people must keep a little bit of faith. I've lost mine a long time ago. I don't know how to feel friendship, sometimes I feel so distant from people that are with me everyday. I only trust few people, maybe I only trust me because what I feel it's real, there's no illusion in what I think and what I'm doing.

I don't know what this is about at all.

THE FROWZYS ON MYSPACE!

2010-01-25T06:42:00.000-08:00

Finally, The Frowzys (the band that I make part of) released its first single on myspace!

Enjoy the song called "Living Life"!

The Frowzys' myspace.

2010-01-14T21:11:00.001-08:00

Is that hard to accept things?

You know, for a long time, I've been running from ghosts that I had never the interest to know better. I know they exist but I can't face them, and when I'm alone I try so much to understand what I feel inside. It's not that simple because your life wants something and sometimes you don't have any idea how to do that.

I know that now, well much time ago actually, I'm a big girl. And the fact is that I don't need to do things that I judge so boring just because people think I have to behave like that. I won't.

I'll keep drinking a lot until I can't stand myself up, I'll keep listening rock songs and hanging out all night long with friends, talking shit, whatever. I don't give a fuck for that.

I should be like this, I should be like that. Doesn't matter. This is what I am and if I can't accept this so I better find out a way to match these two girls inside.

Happy b-day, your freakie one, your freakie thousand here inside.

Say goodbye, 2009

2009-12-28T14:22:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's almost the end of the year, actually I feel like this year is done.

It would be unfair say that it wasn't a good year. I've made a lot of things and I think I've been happy the most part of the time. It's a good reason to celebrate and to ask for a better year, a great 2010.

Cheers!

A little bit of books

2009-11-17T07:57:00.000-08:00

I know I've been very far from here. The main problem is that I don't have much inspiration to think about something interesting and then put my ideas in the paper (?) so I just let it go.

But today, lucky people, I was thinking about the books I've read and I'm still reading (Crime and Punishment is one of them, YEAP, I haven't finished yet, what a shame!) and something came into my mind. Couple of days ago I read an Allan Poe's short story called The Imp of the Perverse and somehow I thought it was very alike with Dostoiévski's narrative. It is not easy to compare I don't know, twenty pages to five hundred but in the same way, these events have something in common: the mainly character can't keep his secret so he just let it go. I won't spoil the short story, but it's declared in the beginning of the Crime and Punishment that Raskolnikóv commits a murder. Then he thinks he can deal with that but he is totally wrong. It is something that he just can't keep quiet. I'm very close to finish this book and so far, the character is still suffering the pressure although he already told Sonia about what he did.

It's funny how they fall in love in this kind of narratives. In one day completely strangers and in the next morning "oh I'm in love"! I know it's pure fiction but it is interesting once we know the characters didn't have so much time to know themselves. Anyways, it isn't the focus of this narrative anyways. I think this love is just to ensure that besides everything, he can be a good man. He has something good inside.

All I'm trying to say (I don't know if I'm doing it properly) is that, somehow, in that old times, people had some kind of hope that, if you commit a crime, or if you just do something bad to the eyes of society and "God", if you're regreted, if you confess it is oukay. More than that, maybe this is the start to accept that people are not completely good or bad. They can be both. Sometimes best, sometimes worst, anyways, people have this two sides.

Is the forgiveness something so easy to achieve? Just claim couple of words and that's alright? I'll keep reading the book then I tell you if Raskolnikóv is acquited or not.

TREND'S NEW SONG ON MYSPACE!

2009-11-11T18:48:00.000-08:00

I know this blog doesn't have much visitors though I believe now with a few different words you can find it easier when you google something like "freak", "diary" and "myspace" so I'm here just to talk about a band from Rio Grande that plays good music and now is releasing little by little three new songs. The first one is called "Offman" and you can listen to it on Trend's Myspace.

Enjoy it!

2009-10-19T19:14:00.001-07:00

Sometimes only the silence can wash away the pain

But it only stops when you come around

But it only exists when there is no rain.

2009-09-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

If I could die right now I swear I would. Just to kill the increasing pain inside. I don't where it comes from, don't even know where it's going. But I'm crying like a baby and there's nothing I can do about it. Feeling like this. Defeated, small, feeling no one.

I'm nothing at all.

I feel so mad, so weird

2009-09-01T08:25:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's happening to me but I can't get focus on anything. I'm lost.

I missed classes today, I can't sleep at night, I can't study during the day.

My case is very serious. ahsuiahsaiusa

2009-08-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

I'm so damaged and so star at the same time. How could I deal with it? I just can't... Let it go with the flow.

2009-08-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

I always loved love songs

I always loved to be in the deepest sky

But I never thought I could feel

All these things you make me feel about you

Something that probably I have experienced in a long time ago

And now with you by my side

After a long time of grieving, suffering

You make my life shine so bright

It doesn't matter if I look so silly so foolish

Sometimes we have to surrender to what love gives us

And love or desitiny or life, even God

something gave you to me

And I'll keep you here by my side

Until the day that I die

Or at least this part of me that wants you so much, dies.

Dexter

2009-08-18T21:33:00.001-07:00

I've just finished watching the first season and I have to say:

It's so damn fuckin' good! I recomend you!

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

2009-08-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

Last year a friend of mine presented a work about a book called "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" written by Robert Stevenson. I had read the portuguese version a long time ago but now after months with the english version in my bookshelf I decided to read it.
I can say that it's a soft book it's interesting you don't get tired of it. The opposiste happens, you want to discover more and more what is going to happen in the end.

It's interesting to see how the matter of duality of the human being was dealed in the past. In the book, you drink a potion and then you achieve your other side. But in the real life, you just have to accept: you are two (or more) all the time. And sometimes, it's hard to face our evil side(s).

Is this a diary?

2009-07-21T08:58:00.000-07:00

Yes this is a diary!

So... should I tell all my secrets here? Of course not! I was just kidding, fellas!

Let me update my life to you: I've been sleeping a lot, listening music a lot, laughing a lot, kissing a lot, talking a lot. Only good things, and it's been wonderful.

Let me be a little more in my Dream Land then I can go back to the darkness and write deeper things! (or not, who knows?)

I just don't know what to do with myself!

2009-07-17T14:15:00.000-07:00

Today I want to sing out loud! I don't know why buuut! :)

There's nothing much to say I've been working a little, sleeping a lot, dreaming the most I can! Reading is something that I should try more times. I have good books in my shelf but you know... sometimes we just want to hear soft songs and let our soul flows... I don't know maybe I'm the only person who can do crazy things like that. Sing, sing, sing, smile to everyone, everywhere because you're finnally feeling alive inside. I thought I would never feel this again. I'm glad I can feel it now.

Reading is never too much!

2009-07-14T12:01:00.000-07:00

Today I was reading the Wikipedia's homepage and I've found a very interesting article about a murder occurred in Kentucky, which is called the Beauchamp-Sharp Tragedy. What took my attention that most it wasn't the murder itself but the fact that Edgar Allan Poe wrote a play called Politian about this tragedy and it is the only play he wrote in his life. It wasn't successful then he started to focus his attention in short stories. I'm a big fan of Edgar Allan Poe and I'm glad he had decided to write short stories instead of plays.

That's all folks!

2009-07-01T18:00:00.001-07:00

thus let's move on

sweet sunshine up above

move your hand

right behind my neck

take my lips, push my hips

inside, makes me whisper

in front, right

up and down

upside down inside out

nevermind

just take your time

to be mine.

2009-07-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

despite all my unfaith

I believe that your smile

is the only thing in the world

where I can find beauty and grace

my rhymes, so shy

I know, you won't even cry

but wheter your soul is up in the sky

in this moment I shall die

like an infinte whisper

like the infinite sadness

in that old smashed piano

I lay on you my unique careless

not in your straight

smell-like-hunny-hair

not in your comfortable lips

all my life seems so fair

I won't die, shall I?

no, I know I just can't

i have found in you my deepest desire

your heart, my treasure, one day I'll take

As Placebo sings (when I want)

2009-06-23T15:32:00.001-07:00

Don't forget to be the way you are.

It's been pretty hard to be what I am (or what I think I am at least). Such a mess, such loads of things to do. Plenty of sheets of paper to read.

Great. I need a life "asap"!

Oh my

2009-06-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

...and I will love you guy
with all those ups and downs
with each left and right
I'll be waiting in the clouds
to pass all day by your side

I'll scream you guy
the pain I feel inside my heart
You took me into the deepest sky
oh my, oh my, always my re- start

I would tell you boy how much
I control my willing to kiss you
Can't help your lips, can't help your touch
You just always see me through

Oh boy
How much
How are we now?
We both know
As time goes by, we don't

2009-06-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

Despite my passion to write poems I'm not a good poem reader I guess. I always prefer novels than poetry and I don't see any special reason. Maybe at one moment in my life I thought that poems had to be written in a very hard understanding language. More difficult words, your poem is damn fuckin' good.

But in 2007 I've changed my opinion at all. I read a incredible book called A Rosa do Povo written by Carlos Drummond de Andrade. Then I realized that poems are made of feeling and not only difficult words.

It's about the second world war in a very smooth way, you'll only see that is about war if you pay attention to the dates (10943-1945) when the book was written. But it can take a lot of other interpretations. Good poetry at all.

I recommend you guys to read this book. It's fascinating.

Let there be more Freak inside!

2009-06-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

Hello, fellas!

All I can say is that I've been dedicating all my free time (and my not-free time too!) to pass hours and hours downloading new Silverchair's songs! Loads of new live versions now in a very special space in my hard disk.

I'm (still!) addicted to them!

Body and soul, I'm a freak...'cause of them! ;)

Keep walkin' in the straight lines... I'll be here soon! Talking about movies, series, books, favourite bands, Silverchair screams and so on.

Hello, how low

2009-05-25T15:04:00.000-07:00

I'm here to say that in May 31st there will be a presentation of my poetry group InventArte. It will be set at Studio Beer, from 6 p.m. on.
The event is called "Noite sem cover" and musicians will also participate. It will be very nice and I don't know but my both blogs have a lot of visitors in the last couple of days and maybe the reason is that the group's website was published in the press and on line media.

Congrats to the group. And let's see what happens next.

It's been a hard day...morning

2009-05-19T15:37:00.001-07:00

I don't know why I still write something here.

2009-04-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

I've always tried to be cool. But you know what? I could never.

Making big decisions!

2009-04-16T12:57:00.001-07:00

Today I was thinking...actually I was thinking something yesterday and now I have to decide several aspects of my life. What have I been doing? Just studying, working, having contact with my friends only by internet and I always got so crazy alone in my bedroom in the weekend. Ok I'm overreacting I always have something to do but anyway it's not what I want to say.

All I'm looking for now it's a kind of magic in my life. I really want to believe in dreams and stuff again and I'll make all efforts for that. I'm tired of racionalize everything. It's making me unhappy. It makes me so sad always live with the doubt by my side. Always thinking that the other person is trying to make me feel bad. I need to be intelligent but I need to live too.

Now I don't feel nothing. I just can't wait to start to.

(One more) Poem to (my) poet

2009-04-14T15:04:00.000-07:00

My nameless regard
My shining star inside of me
You still
And now I've got so shy
After die just for your smile

Your movements make me stare
And I don't dare
To touch your hand
Just to let you go again

That's why I pray
Every single night to the angels
I say over and over
I beg for you to stay

I hurry up to see your body
Cross the room I have inside
You gave me the best gift today
Your smile, your skin so lovely

2009-04-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

And now, alone again

I stare so tired and sad

in my little cage

and it hurts a lot

always hurts

always

that much.

Literature thing.

2009-04-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but now I felt some kind of need to post something here. My life has been a crazy thing and I barely have time to breathe. But I try, sometimes. Ok that for internet I have more than enough time, it's true but meanwhile I still work and try to study something.

I can't wait to start my Literature research with a small group, my professor said that we'll start maybe this month. And I think it will be very nice because Literature is my passion. And I'm not talking about my own passion of writing poetry or something. I'm talking about the changes that are always happening in my point of view influenced by Literature.

I'm reading (or trying to read) three books but now I'm concentrated specially in one called The Catcher in the Rye, it's been an intersting narrative about a simple guy facing his teenager's problems. I would define this book as the perfect guide for losers! I think it matches pretty well.

But, before I start this reading, I was reading (and I'm sure I will finish it!) a book written by Charles Bukowski whose title in English I don't know but in Portuguese is called 'Misto Quente'. To be honest it's pretty similar to the Catcher in the Rye because it's a loser story too!

And, shame on me, I stopped reading Crime and Punishment but I intend to finish it soon. It's interesting because it's a long narrative about a guy facing his acts (for example, the murder of two women) and specially his condition wich is the fact that he is a poor guy in a very miserable situation. Although he (up to now) seems to be regreted we don't know if it would be something that couldn't happen again. And that's what is interesting about this story. But if I'm not wrong, by reading some summaries of this book, the character called Raskólnikov feel regreted for what he has done then he can move on his life like he was totally recovered from this crime.

Did you see how Literature makes me write a lot? I could pass all week talking about Literature and all its theory that it's something that I really apreciate. Analyze characters, time, space sounds fascinating for me.

Well I think I've written to much! I'll stop here.

See you all.

Unknown feelings

2009-03-05T09:43:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you're the reason
I only search for your own truth
Because I write, and you write too
Because I think the same as you

When you open your heart
Like a window to the sea
I can't stand to be apart
I only see you singing to me

It's not about eyes,
It's not about hair
It's only about your lips
That gets me under a sweet arrest

Shine my crazy diamond
Until the dawn of the day
You make me flow like a wounded cloud
But anyway, with you I want to stay

the short story

2009-02-23T21:35:00.001-08:00

It's never too late to stare at the stars and think. And that's what I did with him last night. The frozen night, after a few glasses of wine. We were drunk, but we were in love with our own truth. And I don't dare to make any question about it.

I won't see him anymore. I can't steal his eyes, I made a promise to him, I made a promise to myself: don't steal eyes. Never more.

And then I went home... to dry my wounds.

2009-02-22T12:07:00.000-08:00

I still miss classes but I'm not looking for any kind of prince anymore. And now, I'm pretty serious!

I'm happy, believe me. I don't know 'till when, but I know what I feel.

2009-02-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

I couldn't tell you why I need so much to be suffering all the time but I get the conclusion that I really need it, right? It's like everybody needs to drink and to feed, it's simple. And I'm not upset or worried or concerned about it.

I have something inside that never lets me sleep at night. I have something really bad inside which makes me be so bad in this love stuff. It's just a conclusion it's not a suicide note. But I think I should write one someday.

I'm sure I don't need any kind of help, I'm feeling fine. Just accepting that I'm not gonna get what I want. Piece of cake.

Currently reading...

2009-02-05T16:44:00.000-08:00

Crime and Punishment is a book written by Dostoiévski and I have to tell you guys, I'm loving it. Ok, the story isn't developed up to know so much things about the plot but I think that the author makes the reading easier. There's not complicated words or something. Everything is completely understandable.

Summarizing the whole thing: there's a guy called Raskólnikov (the hard part is reading the characters' names!), who commits a homicide. And he's running away from his past then he commits a second murder and things get really bad. In this story, Dostoiévski by the observation of real facts, will write a tale about guilt and punishment.

I'll be back to tell what it's my opinion about it. But I think it will take a little time, the book has 553 pages! I'll better go read now!

2009-02-03T20:58:00.000-08:00

Well I need to write some words here because I can't let more empty spaces in my life. I'm tired of empty eyes, empty books and empty people.

I'm okay, I just need to be quiet a little.

And I get so... whispering!

2009-01-29T19:37:00.001-08:00

"I can live

I can die

I can even touch the stars

Just to fit in your arms"

Well I don't know if these rhymes come to the head or to the heart. All I know is that I'm feeling a huge inspiration lately. Is that all because of that prince? No...he doesn't have a face. Does he have? I really don't know. I need little time to put my mind in a safe place.

I know that I love your eyes, I love your smile and I just love the smell of your hair. It smells like a doll's hair . Like I told you, in the first day.

Hello guys, I want a diary now

2009-01-28T17:35:00.000-08:00

While I was taking a bath I thought "I have to keep practising my writing at least", and this way I can also improve the ability to think in English, which is very important too.

I was wondering about what should I write here and I guess that the answer is: everything! I can write about the books I'm reading, about the movies I'm watching, about the things I'm doing. It will be very great to my head, that it's so confused lately. But, for a reason that I don't know (well, actually I know this reason, this cute reason) I'm ok right now. And I could never do something different than what I'm doing now: writing! Each day that goes by I want more to express my feelings in my other blog Freak In The Sky and it's pretty cool like that. Real stories with a kind of fantasy around, things that I take from my head and heart and put in lines.

I saw a movie tonight, called The Butterfly Effect and gosh...I loved it! It made me cry, specially because that in the end, it started to play Oasis (Stop Crying Your Heart Out) and this song means so much to me. It was cool to be in the bed watching a good movie thinking about nothing.

It was rainning when the dawn broke and it wasn't a good start for my day. But, even in this conditions I went so happy to my job, reading the Antichrist in the bus (this is one thing that only Freak does!!!) and it was cool. I work hard but I love my job and the people who work with me. That's a important thing. And I'm not being an apple-polish because of this! =D

I slept almost all afternoon but it was ok. I'm happy in my dreams.

Now I'm here... happy in front of the computer with a wish to steal the world to me! And this sensation is incredible! I'm doing what I love the most: listening good music and surfin' on the internet.

I promise I'll come back!

ps: I miss classes! And I'm not kidding!

2009-01-28T02:32:00.001-08:00

I'll get rid from my pain.

The holiday

2009-01-23T03:29:00.001-08:00

Is a great movie that I saw yesterday eve. It was pretty cool but it made me cry a little! Not that much because it's not my kind cry a river while I'm watching a movie.

Cameron Diaz is amazing, Kate Winslet is cute, Jude Law is...well he is always PERFECT and Jack Black is so cute and sexy, I wish I could squeeze him!

Well it was just to say something around here. Things are not easy lately... but I'm trying to move on. Always.

It's kind of

2009-01-22T03:30:00.000-08:00

A desperation that doesn't let me sleep at night...

Then I crawl, then I scream (inside)
Then, somehow I realize that it's pretty cool to be alive.

I don't know myself lately but I'm fuckin' making efforts for that.

You can't see my eyes

2009-01-11T18:48:00.000-08:00

You can't see my eyes now
But it's not because my face is hidden behind my hair or something
The main reason is that you finished their light.

Their single light...

Well I don't know what to do with myself

2009-01-06T20:06:00.000-08:00

Like the White Stripes' song!

It's like a Hollywood drama! I wake up feeling fine and in the end of the day (sometimes, not always!) I feel awful, confused, I can't explain. And I just don't know what to do with myself!

I try to disguise my pain with my poems and my songs, but, why do I get so sad? I don't have reasons for that and I'm sure of that.

Then I start to search for some alternatives to get the pain away and I think I can do it good because I have my blogs to write on and so I feel fine again.

I don't give a fuck if I'm writing in the "right way", the fact is, the main true is that I'm all songs now.

And it's fine.

Vacation!

2008-12-12T10:01:00.000-08:00

What am I supposed to say?

It's time to enjoy the vacation, finnally!

I've passed all the tests and now I can do other things that I appreciate like listening music, watching tv, and of course, chatting on the msn with my mates.

It's all by now...I'll keep stuying hard in order to improve my English and keep posting in this blog!

Finnally, free!

2008-12-03T10:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been away from this blog, but it was for a good reason.

I was studying so hard to pass in the tests. And I guess I have done it pretty well. My grades aren't sooo good in the final term, but now I can breathe relieved I'm on vacation! So, don't disturb me, please!

But, although I have nothing else to do, I still have to come here to FURG because I work here and I can't stop working. It's unfair!

This Friday it will be a party of my classmates at Cassino. And I'm sure that it will be marvellous! I can barely wait to enjoy this party.

I guess it's all for now. I'll keep practicing my English, using more and more my new Oxford and learning new words every day.

That's all...

xoxo!

2008-10-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Sweeter than thousand candies
I've found you again
I can feel the sun shinning up above
I can see the smile in my face

Now things are in their right place
It's so quiet here
But now I'm in peace
I'm with you
Have no fear

I was searching for a reason
In a distant space
Among the stars among the clouds
I was looking for a better way
To get you out of me

But then I've finally find the poems
And in these lines
I can't describe
All that you are
But for sure
You're all that I see now.

It hurts

2008-10-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

It hurts
Yes it hurts a lot
When I open my window
In the pure morning
It hurts
When I see you just in thought

It hurts
Deeply hurts
When I look at the rainbow
When I hear the birds singing
When I speak to the winter
When I know it's for you
That I'm living

It hurts
Silently hurts
When I see your face
But it's not all mine
When I hold you tight
But it's not alright
When I kiss your lips
But I can't do it all the time

Yes it hurts
Saddly hurts...
When I think about us
When I live and
I die
Just because of this love...

Another poem to the bird

2008-10-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

Amazing sensation
When I see you coming to me
When you smile so shy
When you kiss my face
And I can feel your breathing

Amazing sensation
When you hold me tight
The way that we love the most

Incredible sensation
To walk with you
Through these walls
And through these people
They just can't understand
How incredible this sensation can be

I could pass
All my days
Watching you
Hearing you
Just observing you
Just loving you

I would fight
I would cry as much as I could
I would die for and of love
As much as someone can die for it.

I will keep these feelings
I will keep holding you
I will keep kissing you
Behind the walls...

2008-10-02T19:34:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to know why
Do I shiver when you come next to me
When you smile and say hello
When you look at my eyes
And say...

I swear I try to understand why
When I look at you
Birds seem to sing
All the sweetest songs in the world
Then I stand
Then I fly

All the answers I want in this world
Are all behind your green eyes
It's between your lips
It's when my mouth kisses
Your sweetest kiss

And I'm going to drown in the sea
That green sea that makes me stare
The green sea that makes me smile
Close my eyes and pray
Please be one more day with me...

Killing the past and coming back to life...

2008-09-24T18:44:00.000-07:00

Today was a tiring day. I don't know why but I want to write something here now.
I've had a terrible test in the morning...so boring, so tiring, I'm almost dead right now. I worked, I had classes at night. Too much information, much things to do and think.

Sometimes I think that I have to let it go away. Forever and ever.

I'm not thinking straight... I'm missing something. But I don't know exactly what it is...

Why so beautiful?

2008-09-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

Well she tried for a few days to keep her eyes far far away from him. But it was almost impossible. He was chasing her, looking at her...staring at her.
That day, it was a...let me see...a sunny autumn afternoon. The sun was shinning so high and the birds were singing...what a perfect scene...

One day, between her sheets and books and things to do, he looked so deep at her that she could feel his breathing even being so far from him. She could smell his straight and brown hair and she could touch without feel his hands and his mouth.

Maybe it could be a special love story. But love doesn't exist. Unless I pretend one.

Just in my imagination... so right.

Writing a short story

2008-09-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

Well, in our classes of Reading and Text productions we had to create a short story that started last week and we continued this week. It was really fun and we could improve our vocabulary so much.

Guess who was my mate? Alisson, for sure. After a lot of fighting, arguing, kisses and crazy things we realized that we've created a cool horror short story...and we can't wait to write the end. I will publish here when we finnish the damn fuckin' short story!

:D

That's it!

It's never too late to say hello!

2008-09-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

Hello guys...I know, I've been away from this space but let me explain! I was so busy and I still do. But it's normal...grad's life suxx. I have to keep going.

I've been enjoying the classes, I decided my researching's subject...things seems to be going to the right place again.

I don't know if I'm well or not. The only thing I know is that I have so many special people in my life. I've already knew that alright? But now I'm just...seeing it so real.

Why I'm always getting hurt for nothing? Crying and bleeding for nothing?

Today, when I'll go to sleep, I'm gonna put all my sadness below my pillow. And when I´ll wake up tomorrow, all this sadness will be gone. Because this is how these things supposed to be. Buried. Buried in a deep ground.

Whispering...

2008-08-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

I thought that once
The two of us could be just one
I know that not seems so easy
But no one can say nothing like this
Everything's always hard
And it will be for a long time
Because I want touch but I can't
Want to kiss but I can't
Want to hold but I can't
The only thing that I can do is just can't do anything about it.

The Smiths

2008-08-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
And as I climb into an empty bed
Oh well. Enough said.
I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Oh ...
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
See, the sea wants to take me
The knife wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me ?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy
Handsome groom, give her room
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
(Though she needs you
More than she loves you)
And I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Over and over and over and over
Over and over, la ...
I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said :
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I know ...
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
Over, over, over, over
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind
Over, over
Love is Natural and Real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is Natural and Real
But not for such as you and I, my love
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my ...
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can even feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my ...

I thought that would be nice to put one song here...because my fellings aren't alright.

See ya.

Previously on LOST

2008-08-18T17:42:00.002-07:00

Hey you! I'm finally going to see the second season of LOST!

I know, I'm late! But, it's never too late, right?

Well...see ya! o/

And lady stardust...

2008-08-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

Well, well...today I'm not so good with feelings. I'm feeling sad, whatever...

It's always this same damn thing when the reality gets so close to me...

Oh sweet nuthin'

2008-08-13T18:39:00.000-07:00

Today I'm gonna be very brief because I have some other things to do (like my homework!). But, at the same time, I have so much to say...well, it's better be quick now!
In the morning,at college, we saw a movie called "Freedom Writers" based on a real history. It's about be a teacher in a place with so many kinds of people, with the most various realities.

In the afternoon, I've worked soooo much! I'm serious oukay! I really do my job as best as I can do! :P

Finnally, at night, we had the class of Reading and text productions. It was very great. Acctually, I have to confess, I'm loving my new teacher Neza. She's very funny and she's talking to us, making us feel comfortable to take part in the class. So great! This class that I'm talking about will be very important to improve our reading and writing, to me it's two important skills. Now I'm thinking of be an English teacher one day, I'm asking myself, why not? Acctually, I'm already teaching English but I know that Literature is my passion.
Well, I have a lot of time to decide what I really want to do.

So, I think that's all! See ya!

Just to say hello!

2008-08-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

As an English language student I've created this blog to improve my writing, for sure to start thinking in English is very important. And, I thought that it was the best way to start.
This is just the first one. Anyway, I have to start thinking and feeling in English...it seems soooo complicated...but (BUUUUTTT! always!) I'll try!

See ya! o/