It is nothing but a fear within a fear...

Afraid of this self-reliance feeling that can ruin me while my head keep thinking I don't need anyone else to be here. I have strenght, I have my own power and I can't share what I've got inside. I'm too much dependant. But when I'm not, I can lose it all. And you can lose it as well.

It is nothing but a fear within a fear about the future that has to come.

there is a light that never goes out. (never comes up, actually)

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were -- I have not seen
As others saw -- I could not bring
My passions from a common spring --
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow -- I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone --
And all I lov'd -- I lov'd alone --
Then -- in my childhood -- in the dawn
Of a most stormy life -- was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still --
From the torrent, or the fountain --
From the red cliff of the mountain --
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold --
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by --
From the thunder, and the storm --
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view --

By Edgar Allan Poe. Source: Poe Stories

Poe: life and works

I've just read Edgar Allan Poe: um homem em sua sombra, and I wished to share my opinion with you, folks.

Although this book presents quite important aspects of Poe's life, it doesn't have an organized timeline. In this sense, I suggest you to read the work of Ivan Schmidt, who also researched previous Poe's biografies such as Hervey Allen's for instance. The countless footnotes are also problematic. The reading becomes tiring and our attention can be easily distracted. On the other hand, the author presents good analysis of "The Raven" and other Poe's works.

and finally, the tiny stars want to shine! they get right through my window and everything in here is sweet and bright.

falling in love with stars.

Not a scent of emotions

She was quite comfortable with that feeling of tasting no scent of emotions. Who the hell needs this? Picures, songs and also emotions are just distractions. Like television, videogames, stars in the sky and little ghosts. Only distractions to make us strong enough avoiding the fear of death.

Reflections of a word

Reading Clarice Lispector makes me tired enough. My inner self is damn fuckin' messed up. When you feel the truth and you don't tell it, it's ok. But if you see this truth somewhere... you're lost and you make anything to hide it.

A crowd won't make me any harm

But myself in the mirror

It's a damn strange feeling of fear

Things I should know about myself

Back some years (maybe many... maybe lots of them!) ago I try hard to perceive some aspects about my personality and... wait for it... I don't remember much. But I can say that I've changed quite a lot.

When I was a teen, for example, I was chatty! It was impossible to stay around me without saying a word. I don't know if my experiences forced me to be strong and bear some burdens on my own but nowadays I just keep quiet. I'm not interested in people anymore and worse - I think I have nothing worthy to share with them. Plus I'm afraid telling secrets or I just think my issues and my life in general are unworthy. (That's not true, I know.)

However, there are two subjects that can keep me talking a lot and they really make me feel something special inside: music and books (the news, please?) Perhaps I don't really care much about things that will die one day. I'm so into eternity that I keep close to imortals... I like alcohol too. Not due its taste but sadly because makes me want to be with other people. Doing something, forgeting something, laughing without a reason.

Just wanted to say something. Before it goes with the wind.

We tend to be quite tough with ourselves. I see, it's also hard to fall in love with our spectrum in the mirror. Keep your strenght, not to your enemies but to bear all the pessimism you put upon yourself.

It can be bitter

You can't stop saying things. No matter what, you MUST say those ones. Otherwise, how could I know? 24 hours have passed and I still don't know.

No matter what: SAY THINGS. We can't just let it go, we don't have such power of guessing what the other person is feeling. If you wanna love: be careful. And say how do you feel.

Remember: be sweet

Many changes, guys! New background, new willings are about to come.

All I have to say is: ENJOY IT! Life, music, friends, books, especially books (and alcohol!)! I hope to be more committed to this blog next year. I don't know if it necessary or even if YOU need it, but if I need it, I' ll be here.

Don't go blind. Be sweet.

Crap, new year

Ok, this is true. 2010 is ending now and everyone starts to say the same old things as they have said all those years left behind.

But, the truth also is: we feel comfortable to say these things (that may sound silly) only in this moment. Because it is the only one which makes you think about... frustrations? Maybe. On the other hand we are alive and there is something hidden in a deep black hole inside that can make possible just smile and be happy due to an accomplishment.

Happy 2011, although we know we have loads of obstacles looking forward.

there's always an option, isn't there?

Through the darkness... you see the stars.

Hello people worldwide. It is a brand new day and it is still dark here. In the last few days, some specific things have been bothering me a little. Actually, not so specific things. I don't know why I feel so uncomfortable maybe it is what the narrator of Notes from Underground called the excess of consciousness that men go through sometimes. In some cases, I wish I could live my life without thinking so much about what I should be, where I should be now, doing this or that. The subject is always the same, right?

The fact is I'm trying (I don't remember since when) to stop suffering for foolish things. I won't hurt myself with troubles that are not mine. Few years ago, maybe three years, whatever, I heard some good words (I won't mention here where) that made me feel really better about my life. But now, it is like a disease. It comes and goes. I can't say I'm unhappy now... it would be stupid!

The only thing that matters is to keep a place for the real self. The real you. If this is the only space I've found to do this... great. It is what it is. My attic.

You should come over!

As Neil Young says... "time is running out, let's roll!"

:)

Fantastique

Atmosphere.

Skin.

Breathing.

Heart beating.

Magic.

Cat Power.

pic by mahhh

To love is to take care and to be patient.

Sometimes, you're the only one who really cares and need to be patient. Otherwise, there's no way to bear the load of being so alone.

Back to the clock's slavery

The university holidays are over. I'm really sad about that... I know, last year I was willing to attend the classes as soon as I could. But this year...it was different. We almost didn't have time to enjoy our free time. Everything is coming back. Papers, presentations, classes, texts. I don't know why am I living and this question bores me to death. I don't know if literally (I hope NEVER literally at all) but I can't stand my concerns about society. Every single morning I stare at people at the bus stop, the street and what I see, I definetely don't like it.

I see I'm doing something I love: to study, to extend my literature and english knowledge but for what? I'm going to die someday, right? Sad, it is sad to think about this. For this specific reason I guess that people must keep a little bit of faith. I've lost mine a long time ago. I don't know how to feel friendship, sometimes I feel so distant from people that are with me everyday. I only trust few people, maybe I only trust me because what I feel it's real, there's no illusion in what I think and what I'm doing.

I don't know what this is about at all.

THE FROWZYS ON MYSPACE!

Finally, The Frowzys (the band that I make part of) released its first single on myspace!

Enjoy the song called "Living Life"!

The Frowzys' myspace.