I've always tried to be cool. But you know what? I could never.

Making big decisions!

Today I was thinking...actually I was thinking something yesterday and now I have to decide several aspects of my life. What have I been doing? Just studying, working, having contact with my friends only by internet and I always got so crazy alone in my bedroom in the weekend. Ok I'm overreacting I always have something to do but anyway it's not what I want to say.

All I'm looking for now it's a kind of magic in my life. I really want to believe in dreams and stuff again and I'll make all efforts for that. I'm tired of racionalize everything. It's making me unhappy. It makes me so sad always live with the doubt by my side. Always thinking that the other person is trying to make me feel bad. I need to be intelligent but I need to live too.

Now I don't feel nothing. I just can't wait to start to.

(One more) Poem to (my) poet

My nameless regard
My shining star inside of me
You still
And now I've got so shy
After die just for your smile

Your movements make me stare
And I don't dare
To touch your hand
Just to let you go again

That's why I pray
Every single night to the angels
I say over and over
I beg for you to stay

I hurry up to see your body
Cross the room I have inside
You gave me the best gift today
Your smile, your skin so lovely

And now, alone again

I stare so tired and sad 

in my little cage

and it hurts a lot 

always hurts

always

that much.

Literature thing.

I don't know why but now I felt some kind of need to post something here. My life has been a crazy thing and I barely have time to breathe. But I try, sometimes. Ok that for internet I have more than enough time, it's true but meanwhile I still work and try to study something.

I can't wait to start my Literature research with a small group, my professor said that we'll start maybe this month. And I think it will be very nice because Literature is my passion. And I'm not talking about my own passion of writing poetry or something. I'm talking about the changes that are always happening in my point of view influenced by Literature.

I'm reading (or trying to read) three books but now I'm concentrated specially in one called The Catcher in the Rye, it's been an intersting narrative about a simple guy facing his teenager's problems. I would define this book as the perfect guide for losers! I think it matches pretty well.

But, before I start this reading, I was reading (and I'm sure I will finish it!) a book written by Charles Bukowski whose title in English I don't know but in Portuguese is called 'Misto Quente'. To be honest it's pretty similar to the Catcher in the Rye because it's a loser story too!

And, shame on me, I stopped reading Crime and Punishment but I intend to finish it soon. It's interesting because it's a long narrative about a guy facing his acts (for example, the murder of two women) and specially his condition wich is the fact that he is a poor guy in a very miserable situation. Although he (up to now) seems to be regreted we don't know if it would be something that couldn't happen again. And that's what is interesting about this story. But if I'm not wrong, by reading some summaries of this book, the character called Raskólnikov feel regreted for what he has done then he can move on his life like he was totally recovered from this crime.

Did you see how Literature makes me write a lot? I could pass all week talking about Literature and all its theory that it's something that I really apreciate. Analyze characters, time, space sounds fascinating for me.

Well I think I've written to much! I'll stop here.

See you all.